Prolonged Eye Contact

Living in the shaky place

jessicavalenti:

“Compassionate action starts with seeing yourself when you start to make yourself right and when you start to make yourself wrong. At that point you could just contemplate the fact that there is a larger alternative to either of those, a more tender, shaky kind of place where you could live. This place, if you can touch it, will help you train yourself throughout your life to open further to whatever you feel, to open further rather than shut down more.” – Pema Chödrön

It started several weeks after my daughter’s birth with an itch on my c-section scar. It was an entirely normal twinge, something that happens when nerve endings are healing. But instead of noticing the itch, maybe scratching it and moving on, my knees gave out and I hit the ground.

Suddenly I was on the operating table again – multiple sets of hands in me, shifting and tugging at unknown organs. I’m not sure how long I stayed on my living room floor, but when I became aware that I wasn’t in the hospital, my hands were shaking and I was covered in sweat.

It was the first of many flashbacks I would have over the next year or so – a post-traumatic response to my daughter’s premature birth, NICU stay, and the illness I developed during pregnancy that I thought would kill me. (It’s common for parents of babies in the NICU to develop PTSD, as it is for women who have traumatic birth experiences.)

The funny thing about PTSD is that it’s a sneaky fucker. The eight weeks that Layla was in the hospital – while the emergency was still in full force – I was fine. Productive, even. I wrote articles, maintained a blog for family and friends about Layla’s progress, and went to the NICU every day to be with her. Sure, I had daily crying spells and suffered from an understandable amount of sadness and fear that comes with having a child in the hospital – but I was functioning. It was only after the crisis was over and Layla was home that everything changed. Just when I thought the nightmare of the hospital was over, a new one took residence in my home and in my head.

What happened most often was that out of nowhere I’d think that my daughter was dead. I’d be out on a walk or in another room while Layla was sleeping and I would just know that she was gone. Or that someone had killed my family while I was out. Not a fleeting “oh my god, what if” feeling; I believed these things with absolute certainty. You could not have ever convinced me that anything else was true. It was only once I saw Layla and my family that I understood they were all right.

I stopped sleeping. Sometimes thanks to nightmares, sometimes just because the rotation of horrible thoughts made it impossible to shut my eyes for more than a few minutes at a time. When most people have a bad thought they can push it out of their mind; when you have PTSD, you can lose that ability. Imagine the worst, most violent thoughts you’ve ever had about life, your family, yourself – the ones that are so awful that they pass through your mind for less than a second before you hurriedly force them out. Now imagine these thoughts are absolutely immovable; you literally cannot stop thinking them.

I started having small blackouts. The first one happened while driving home from a lunch meeting. I suddenly found myself miles past my house, an hour later, still driving. Socializing was impossible. I was afraid to do anything, terrified of having a panic attack or flashback while I was out. I used to be quite the social butterfly (okay, party girl), but now people made me anxious. I felt as if I was faking it with everyone I interacted with. It’s easy to make small talk when things are generally okay – even if you’re having a bad day you can mostly smile through it. But when you’re not sure if your sense of reality is going to change at any moment, it’s hard to pretend.

The smaller things – like memory lapses and getting easily confused – were worse than the obvious post-traumatic symptoms. I forgot conversations that I had minutes earlier, or would ask the same question several times in a short period. These minor mental shifts were more difficult because they weren’t easily attributable to trauma: I knew logically that the flashbacks would stop, but I was afraid the confusion never would.

The more amorphous the symptom, the more frightening I found it. The worst, though, was the detachment I felt toward the people closest to me. When I wasn’t having a symptom of some sort, I felt numb – it wasn’t just that I had a hard time feeling love and happiness, I also couldn’t feel anger or sadness. I was just there.

I found myself wishing that I were still covered in bruises the way I was when I first left the hospital (from the multiple injections, IVs, etc. that had to be put in pretty roughly because of my edema). When I looked hurt, at least, it was obvious that I was hurt. But without physical signs of a trauma I just looked like me, even though I felt more damaged than ever.

There’s no real “cure” for PTSD, though there are various kinds of treatment. The only one that worked for me was time.

It’s been about a year and a half since Layla’s birth; my PTSD, while still there, has gotten manageable. I have nightmares and don’t sleep through the night very often, but the flashbacks and panic attacks have mostly stopped. I also get the occasional intrusive awful thought, but unlike before when I fully believed the horror was real, now I have a parallel line of thinking that reminds me of the truth.

My relationships remain strained – I’ve neglected friendships, those close to me have struggled with how best to help, and some simply can’t understand why I can’t get over it already. But I’ve also met people with similar problems, people who understand and have made the numbing solitude of not trusting your own mind a little less lonely. I’m grateful for that.

I know now that the core of my trauma was the realization that life is out of my control. Life is unpredictable, scary and sometimes tragic. Believing anything else is a false comfort. But I actually find solace in letting go. It lets me see the world more clearly, value my relationships more deeply and love the people around me more fully. In a way, experiencing my mind responding to trauma – though scary and core shaking – was freeing.

When I was a kid, maybe nine or ten years old, my father pulled me aside during a family vacation to talk about swimming safety before I got in the ocean. He told me not to ever fight a strong current. You get too tired swimming against it and that’s how people drown – better to swim with the current toward shore, he said, no matter how far down the beach you end up from where you started.

I’m still swimming – but I’m not drowning. And though I know once I hit shore I’ll be pretty far away from where I’m started, I feel okay about that. I’m not the same person I was before and I don’t think, if given a choice, I would want to be.

(via bebinn)

(Natural) Birthers—Reflections from Abroad

bebinn:

moomu:

It’s Christmas Eve, and I’ve finally settled down and found some time to somewhat compose my thoughts and reflect on what I’ve learned, academically, from studying abroad. This is important to me because I’m sure I’ll be asked about my academic experience abroad, and I don’t want to throw out a generic “good!” (which I undoubtedly will if I don’t take the time to think first.)

In particular I wanted to critique the doula and birth movement based on my observations in the Netherlands. Part of the reason I’ve waited so long is because I really had no outlet for these thoughts in Amsterdam. Sure there were times when I returned home from a birth workshop/seminar/training and made my poor host the subject of angry rants directed at bougie white women for their essentialist, heteronormative claims and “problems” that clearly only affected women with the money and time to conceive of them. (“White woman problems,” if you will.) Obviously I had the common sense to keep my mouth shut in front of the very women whose beliefs I questioned. And because my ISP paper is circulating in that same group, I only dedicated four pages (out of 45+) to critiques disguised as “theoretical framework” and “paradoxes of doula care.” Moreover, I wanted to wait until I left Amsterdam to process this experience as a whole so I don’t make any premature judgments based on one single event or person. But I’ve held out for too long, and here I go…

(I must say much of the following list stems from this article I read on post-structural feminist critiques of the “natural”/”alternative”/demedicalized birth movement in America. It provided me with a skeleton on which I built some of my own thoughts in Amsterdam, but it could mostly be applied to the birth movement at large.)

1. Home is better. Ricky Lake’s movie “The Business of Being Born” did wonders to popularize home births as a birth alternative in America. So much so it makes it seem like having a home birth is the only way to prove that you are a die-hard feminist mama(-to-be). That is probably true if you are a white, upper-middle class woman. The article I mentioned above totally changed my perspective on what it calls the “veneration of the home.” Painting the home as a place of sanctuary and the antithesis to the image of an uninviting, heavily medicalized delivery room is simply not a reality for all women. For some women whose homes are disorderly and whose families are unsupportive, the clean sterile rooms and knowledgeable men in white coats might prove to be rather welcoming alternatives to their abysmal circumstances at home. Poor women, teenage mothers, and women who are in abusive relationships are not afforded the luxury to birth at home, if they even care to call their place of residence their “home.”
2. The useless, confused, unhelpful, inexperienced husband. This is where the essentialist claims are elaborated. Women I spoke to far too frequently used the previous descriptors for husbands at birth. They make two claims: 1) their husbands are inherently inept at birth and 2) only experienced women can help fill that awkward gap between husband and the birthing woman. In regards to the first point, women believe that their husbands’ maleness render them useless at birth. They can’t act properly at birth and thus need to be “coached” and “helped” so they can make themselves useful for the duration of labor. Thankfully, an experienced woman (read: doula) comes to the rescue! She is obviously experienced having given birth herself and possesses the intuition to facilitate some positive interaction between the woman and her useless, confused, unhelpful, inexperienced husband. Unfortunately this caricature of the husband’s behavior at birth, whether or not it’s true, only serves to further confine women to their role as mothers and “life-bearers.”
3. “Doctor’s for the baby, doula’s for the mother.” Again, another popular sentiment expressed by the women I talked to abroad. They all believe that the baby is in good hands with the doctor, or at least the midwife, but had an epiphany (thanks to the movie “Orgasmic Birth”) that they deserve to have a good experience out of this. Relating back to point number 1, many working class women can’t afford the time and money to be pampered during birth. At my ISP presentation, I was asked whether or not I think doulas are a luxury. While I believe the proven benefits of a doula should be for all birthing women, having a doula who provides good emotional support in addition to the continuous support for the mother is definitely a luxury in the current climate. 
   
4. Corollary: Are you strong enough to endure the pain? During my time in Amsterdam, I heard two quotes from opposing viewpoints that are equally misguided: “she was too late to the hospital to get an epidural!” and “Awwww, she gave up and got an epidural” Unfortunately the latter is not uncommon to the “natural” birthers. Women in the “natural” birth movement often use the epidural as a litmus test for a birthing woman’s commitment to the “natural.” It gave me the vibe that any woman who wanted to have a drug-free birth but eventually failed to do so was too quick to give into the system and not strong enough to endure the pain (it’s natural after all!). The blame is too easily placed on the birthing woman. Let’s go back to the our example of a working class woman. Perhaps she performs manual labor on a daily basis and is consistently overworked. Maybe she has put up with pain most of her life and birth is one of her only opportunities to be freed of it.
5. Planning for a “natural” birth. I filed this one under “paradoxes.” At first glance, one can see how ironic this statement is, but drafting a birth plan is an integral part of a doula’s job description. I’m not asserting that the birth plan is not necessary; rather, I question the need to embellish the desire for a “natural” childbirth into a much more arduous mental process. To their credit, however, almost all maternity care systems have the tendency to medically interfere with the birthing process. Still, the idea of carefully planning for a “natural” birth is bizarre and possibly excessive. 
   
6. Holier than thou. All of my gripes with the birth movement I’ve come to love and hate stem from the “holier than thou” mentality these women possess on their “natural” birth mission, whether or not it’s a conscious decision to overtly express it. Although no one explicitly told me that “natural” is better (only that it is better for them), the pity and disgust they show suggests they feel differently. Ironically, I came out of this journey less judgmental of women’s birthing preferences despite being immersed in a fairly judgmental environment. At least some good can come out of being critical and negative. As a potential doula, I would never wish to cloud client’s own judgments of what is best for her. I can only hope women are clearly informed about their options at birth. Of course, having the time and money to access pertinent literature or talk to a birth professional is in itself a luxury.

I don’t mean for this post to be an attack on the doula and birth community in Amsterdam or globally. In fact, I am so thankful for them for welcoming me into their community. I agree with most of everything they are trying to do. I just think that their mission reaches a limited number of women and tends to overlook race and class issues.

This is an awesome list. I’m so jealous of - no, happy for! this poster. They got to live in Amsterdam and train as a doula. It’s two of my favorite things/aspirations combined in one!

I can’t believe I’ve never given thought to #1. In all the birth videos on Youtube (I know, I’m weird, shut up), home births are always portrayed as lovely, peaceful events, bathed in a soft glow, surrounded by a supportive birthing team and adorable wide-eyed, curly-haired children. Not everyone’s homes are ideal for giving birth, making good birthing centers all the more important - in and outside of hospital settings.

I’m not sure I understand #5, though. If you don’t mind elaborating, what is ironic about planning for a natural birth?

These list is very interesting and insightful. I particularly liked #1, as well. The home birth movement can definitely be guilty of denying their privilege, as well as framing themselves as morally superior or innately better mothers*/parents. Which is, of course, very wrong. What I hope doesn’t get lost though (not here, just in general discussion of the topic), are some of the reasons people even felt the need to start such a movement. For instance, the fact that people in Europe often have midwives and how the over-medicalization of pregnancy is having detrimental effects on pregnant people. There truly does need to be reform for those who choose or need to use hospitals for labor and delivery because too many people are being subjected to dangerous forced c- sections, episiotomies, drugs they don’t want, rushed labors, and extremely unprofessional handling by their (often) male doctors. This is becoming such a problem and is so traumatizing that some people have begun referring to it as “medical rape.” [Whether that is appropriate or not is also a highly contentious debate right now]. And, as you mentioned, all the working-class people who have no choice other than the hospital are most likely disproportionately affected by such treatment and also have fewer resources to get legal recourse.

Isis Rising Prison Doula Program

bebinn:

mariepasch:

Isis Rising is a program for which I am currently interning.

They support the health and development of pregnant women who are incarcerated in Shakopee women’s prison in Minnesota.

This is an amazing program! Humor me and give their Facebook page a like, it would genuinely mean a lot to the whole group.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Isis-Rising-Prison-Doula-Program/149248935096401

You can read more about Isis Rising here.

(Source: mariepaschunderground)

TW: mention of rape, possible TW for tokophobia

uh0h:

I’ve changed my whole view on pregnancy and abortion. Pregnancy may be uncomfortable, and being in labour may be very painful, but giving up 9 months of your own life to give another person [sic] a whole lifetime to live isn’t too much to ask for. I think it’s one of the most beautiful experiences and everyone deserves a chance to have a child. If you decided against it, it’s fine, but I think that those who don’t have children will miss out on a big part of their life. I am also against abortion now. If you are too young to have a child, or can’t take care of it, adoption is an option and possibly the best way to go. People don’t realize that they have the power to take away somebody’s life, and by aborting a[n] child embryo you are doing exactly that. You are taking away that person’s embryo’s chance of living their whole life and having children of their own. It cannot possibly be your choice [HA!] on whether or not this child embryo gets to have a life. It is unfair to think of all the time that you and your child embryo could have had, or at least the life your child embryo could of had that another family could provide them with, but you took that away from them. Take your own life as an example, and picture your mother aborting you. All your relationships, all your memories, and your whole future would be non-existent.

[I fixed that for you!]

“Pregnancy may be uncomfortable, and being in labour may be very painful, but giving up 9 months of your own life to give another person [sic] a whole lifetime to live isn’t too much to ask for.”

isn’t too much to ask for.

isn’t too much to ask for.

isn’t too much to ask for.

isn’t too much to ask for.

So, essentially you’re saying:

UN-FUCKING-ACCEPTABLE.

When people run their mouths about pregnancy being no big deal a few things become apparent very quickly:

• They’re a misogynist douchecanoe
• They know nothing about pregnancy and what it entails
• The probability of them being a person capable of getting pregnant decreases significantly
• Their priorities are warped in a very disturbing way

[Unfortunately most outside links are to cis-centric articles. It should be pregnant people, not just women.]

In my post about the “pregnancy is a mere inconvenience” trope I mentioned a huge list of possible complications of pregnancy. These include:

Normal, frequent or expectable temporary side effects of pregnancy:

• exhaustion (weariness common from first weeks)
• altered appetite and senses of taste and smell
• nausea and vomiting (50% of women, first trimester)
• heartburn and indigestion
• constipation
• weight gain
• dizziness and light-headedness
• bloating, swelling, fluid retention
• hemmorhoids
• abdominal cramps
• yeast infections
• congested, bloody nose
• acne and mild skin disorders
• skin discoloration (chloasma, face and abdomen)
• mild to severe backache and strain
• increased headaches
• difficulty sleeping, and discomfort while sleeping
• increased urination and incontinence
• bleeding gums
• pica
• breast pain and discharge
• swelling of joints, leg cramps, joint pain
• difficulty sitting, standing in later pregnancy
• inability to take regular medications
• shortness of breath
• higher blood pressure
• hair loss
• tendency to anemia
• curtailment of ability to participate in some sports and activities
• infection including from serious and potentially fatal disease
  (pregnant people are immune suppressed compared with non-pregnant people, and are more susceptible to fungal and certain other diseases)
• extreme pain on delivery
• hormonal mood changes, including normal post-partum depression
• continued post-partum exhaustion and recovery period (exacerbated if a c-section — major surgery — is required, sometimes taking up to a full year to fully recover)

Normal, expectable, or frequent PERMANENT side effects of pregnancy:

• stretch marks (worse in younger people)
• loose skin
• permanent weight gain or redistribution
• abdominal and vaginal muscle weakness
• pelvic floor disorder (occurring in as many as 35% of middle-aged former child-bearers and 50% of elderly former child-bearers, associated with urinary and rectal incontinence, discomfort and reduced quality of life)
• changes to breasts
• varicose veins
• scarring from episiotomy or c-section
• other permanent aesthetic changes to the body (all of these are downplayed by women, because the culture values youth and beauty)
• increased proclivity for hemmorhoids
• loss of dental and bone calcium (cavities and osteoporosis)

Occasional complications and side effects:

• spousal/partner abuse
• hyperemesis gravidarum
• temporary and permanent injury to back
• severe scarring requiring later surgery (especially after additional pregnancies)
• dropped (prolapsed) uterus (especially after additional pregnancies, and other pelvic floor weaknesses — 11% of people, including cystocele, rectocele, and enterocele)
• pre-eclampsia (edema and hypertension, the most common complication of pregnancy, associated with eclampsia, and affecting 7 - 10% of pregnancies)
• eclampsia (convulsions, coma during pregnancy or labor, high risk of death)
• gestational diabetes
• placenta previa
• anemia (which can be life-threatening)
• thrombocytopenic purpura
• severe cramping
• embolism (blood clots)
• medical disability requiring full bed rest (frequently ordered during part of many pregnancies varying from days to months for health of either birth parent or baby)
• diastasis recti, also torn abdominal muscles
• mitral valve stenosis (most common cardiac complication)
• serious infection and disease (e.g. increased risk of tuberculosis)
• hormonal imbalance
• ectopic pregnancy (risk of death)
• broken bones (ribcage, “tail bone”)
• hemorrhage and
• numerous other complications of delivery
• refractory gastroesophageal reflux disease
• aggravation of pre-pregnancy diseases and conditions (e.g. epilepsy is present in .5% of pregnant people, and the pregnancy alters drug metabolism and treatment prospects all the while it increases the number and frequency of seizures)
• severe post-partum depression and psychosis
• research now indicates a possible link between ovarian cancer and female fertility treatments, including “egg harvesting” from infertile women and donors
• research also now indicates correlations between lower breast cancer survival rates and proximity in time to onset of cancer of last pregnancy
• research also indicates a correlation between having six or more pregnancies and a risk of coronary and cardiovascular disease

Less common (but serious) complications:

• peripartum cardiomyopathy
• cardiopulmonary arrest
• magnesium toxicity
• severe hypoxemia/acidosis
• massive embolism
• increased intracranial pressure, brainstem infarction
• molar pregnancy, gestational trophoblastic disease (like a pregnancy-induced cancer)
• malignant arrhythmia
• circulatory collapse
• placental abruption
• obstetric fistula

More permanent side effects:

• future infertility
• permanent disability
• death.

Statistics on maternal mortality [death!] and morbidity [complications!] in the USA, often disproportionately affecting people based on race and class:

• According to new UN data, maternal mortality in the US has worsened, falling from 41st to 50th in the world. In other words, women in the US face a greater risk of maternal death than in 49 other countries. Women in the US face a greater risk of maternal death than nearly all European countries, as well as Canada and several countries in Asia and the Middle East. Despite the 34% decrease in global maternal mortality between 1990 and 2008, with 147 countries experiencing a decline in maternal death rates, the US was among just 23 countries to see an increase in maternal mortality.
• The US maternal mortality ratio, at 12.7 (deaths per 100,000 live births), was 3 times as high as the Healthy People 2010 goal, a national target set by the US government. 10 states had 18.5 or more maternal deaths per 100,000 live births. Only 5 states met the Healthy People 2010 goal of 4.3 deaths per 100,000 live births. 
• The maternal mortality ratio for American Indian/Alaska Native women was 4 times higher than the 2010 target and for African American women was 8 times higher than the 2010 target. New government data shows that for 2005-2007, the maternal mortality ratio (deaths per 100,000 live births) was highest among non-Hispanic black women (34.0), followed by American Indian/Alaska Native women (16.9), Asia/Pacific Islanders (11.0), non-Hispanic whites (10.4), and Hispanics (9.6).
• The risk of maternal mortality has remained 3 to 4 times higher among black women than white women during the past 6 decades. Racial disparities were also seen in all income groups, with black women facing approximately three times higher maternal mortality risk compared to white women at low, middle, and high income levels.
• Deadly Delivery found that little data is available on maternal morbidity (complications), despite its frequency. “Near misses,” complications so severe the woman nearly dies, have increased by over 25% between 1998 and 2005 to 34,000 a year—one woman every fifteen minutes.
• Over 1 million women a year experience some complication of pregnancy that has a negative effect on her health. Currently, nearly 30% of women experience complications related to childbirth, and this has not improved.
• In 2003-2007, women living in the lowest-income areas were twice as likely to suffer a maternal death, and women in the middle income areas faced a 58% higher risk, compared with women in the highest income areas.
• States with high rates of poverty (18% or more of people living below the poverty level) were found to have 77% higher maternal mortality ratios than states in which fewer residents had incomes below the federal poverty level.

In addition:

• 358,000 people die annually from pregnancy related complications.
• 20% of people who die during pregnancy are murder victims.
• The risk of maternal mortality is highest for adolescents under 15 years old.
• Complications in pregnancy and childbirth are the leading cause of death among adolescents in most developing countries.
• A person’s lifetime risk of maternal death – the probability that a 15-year-old will eventually die from a maternal cause – is 1 in 4300 in developed countries, versus 1 in 120 in developing countries.
• A pregnant person has a 35.6% greater risk of being a victim of violence than a non-pregnant person. The estimated prevalence of violence against people during pregnancy ranges from four percent to eight percent.
• 40% of all pregnant people have some complications during pregnancy or childbirth. About 15% have complications that are potentially life-threatening.

From the White Ribbon Alliance Fact Sheet on global maternal mortality:

• Every day, 1,000 girls and women die in pregnancy or childbirth. In 2008, an estimated 358,000 women died due to complications developed during pregnancy and childbirth. For every woman who dies, at least 20 more suffer injury, infection or disability from maternal causes –approximately seven million women every year. Seventy-five percent of maternal deaths occur during childbirth and the post-partum period, and the vast majority of maternal deaths and injuries are avoidable when women have access to health care before, during and after childbirth.
• Pregnancy and childbirth are among the leading causes of death and disability for girls and women in developing countries. A girl growing up in Chad today is more likely to die in childbirth than she is to attend secondary school. Complications during pregnancy and childbirth include uncontrolled bleeding, obstructed labor, infection and high blood pressure. Societal factors include gender discrimination and social, cultural, legal, economic and logistical barriers that deny women lifesaving health care.
• Maternal deaths are the greatest health inequity of the 21st century. Ninety-nine percent of maternal deaths occur in developing countries. The chances of a woman dying in pregnancy or childbirth is one in 14 in Somalia and one in 31 in sub-Saharan Africa, compared with just one in 15,200 in Italy and one in 4,200 in Europe. Worldwide, women giving birth in urban areas are twice as likely to be attended by skilled health workers as those in rural areas. Similarly, 84 percent of women who have completed secondary or higher education are attended by skilled workers during childbirth.

There’s the risk of losing one’s job and, by extension, home; body or gender dysphoria; missing or dropping out of school; the potential trauma of choosing adoption; suffering from pregnancy related job discrimination; the economic toll of pregnancy and raising a child; and not being able to continue taking important medications or exacerbating pre-existing conditions.

How about costs? Hmm? All the people that complain about financial instability and poverty not being a “good enough” reason for an abortion obviously have no clue how much pregnancy and childbirth costs. In a new report on maternal mortality and morbidity in the USA these statistics were given:

• Approximately 99 percent of women give birth in hospitals where facility fees alone average between $8,900 and $11,400 for a vaginal delivery, and between $14,900 and $20,100 for a cesarean, depending on whether complications occur. This does not include the health professional fee which was reported in Deadly Delivery to add an additional $4,350 to $6,000. [It also doesn’t include fees for prenatal care and testing, an epidural or other pain medication, an episiotomy, postnatal care, possible NICU expenses, or lost wages.]

How about the fact that pregnancy and childbirth can trigger sexual abuse/rape memories?

• Chapter 11: Effects of Childhood Abuse on Childbearing and Perinatal Health. By Deborah Issokson, Psy.D.
• Book Review: “When Survivors Give Birth: Understanding and Healing the Effects of Early Sexual Abuse on Childbearing Women”
• Abstract: The Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse on Pregnancy, Labor, and Birth
• The Effects of Sexual Abuse on Pregnancy and Birth
• A Triggering Time: Childbirth May Recall Sexual Abuse Memories

How about the fact that rapists don’t automatically lose their parental rights in all states?

It cannot possibly be your choice [HA!] on whether or not this child embryo gets to have a life.

Well, there’s the pesky concept that reproductive rights are human rights and this includes abortion.

We also know that reproductive rights violations constitute torture in some cases and cruel, unusual, or inhuman and degrading treatment in many more.

And consent to sex isn’t consent to pregnancy. So, no, I don’t have any moral or legal obligation to a zygote.

[TW for ableism is article’s title] In addition, an unwanted pregnancy could pose a mental health risk.

And choosing adoption can affect the mental health of the birth parent.

If you are too young to have a child, or can’t take care of it, adoption is an option and possibly the best way to go.

For who exactly? Rich, white people who want children so badly they’ll kidnap them from basically anywhere? Some people are literally too young to have a child as their bodies are not physically ready and childbirth could kill them. How is adoption really an option for them? Especially when adoption is an alternative to parenting not pregnancy. 

***Tl;dr Forcing an unwilling person to remain pregnant is too much to ask for.***

So I’m just going to leave this logic bomb with…you.

[HUUUUGGE TRIGGER WARNING FOR TOKOPHOBIA/PHOBIA OF PREGNANCY AND CHILDBIRTH AT LINK]

in-her-hips-theres-revolutions:

nessfraserloves:

dichotomydestroyingparty:

this is beautiful

Finally, I can reblog this! Every time I’ve seen it until now it’s been captioned with “Mother screams ‘I love you baby’ at the moment of her last child’s birth” — which could be true, but it sounds a wee bit too sensationalized for me.

Either way, I love this photo. My apologies to those of you who aren’t comfortable with birth shots.

Beautifully shot, but another lovely reminder of why I’m never giving birth ;)

HER FACE. Brave bloody woman.

(Source: cardamine, via inherhipstheresrevolutions)

Molly Geiger “Home Birth” BFA Senior Thesis (2010)

[I was originally going to post this as a photo set but I was worried it would end up triggering someone with tokophobia (a fear of pregnancy) and that’s not my intention so I’m doing a text post with pictures below the cut. I’m also going to tag these #tokophobia #tokophobic and #fear of pregnancy for those using tumblr savior. It’s not quite as organized as a photo set, but oh well :)]

Below the cut are images from Molly Geiger’s senior photography thesis at the Art Institute of Boston at Lesley University. She developed relationships with local midwives as well as their clients who agreed to be photographed throughout their pregnancies as well as their home births. The images are in black and white and, in my opinion, are absolutely stunning. They are graphic images of childbirth, but for those debating whether or not they want to see them, I can assure you there’s nothing exploitative about them. Molly is still in contact with many of the families and their (now born) children and as far as I know it was a positive experience for everyone involved. So enjoy!

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Give Me Your Opinion?

In re: to my pregnancy complications post

To all the people in the notes saying things along the lines of “well why are you complaining? You knew you could get pregnant and had sex anyway so you were totally, like, asking for it. It was your choice to get pregnant, so like, yeah. If you get serious complications it’s not my problem”: the point, you missed it. By a long shot. It’s way back here in fucking reality.

The post isn’t even really about abortion, people. For real, I promise. The guy is denigrating ALL pregnant people. Pro-choice pregnant people, “pro-life” pregnant people, people who want to be pregnant, people who don’t want to be pregnant. He’s denigrating my mother, and my grandmother, and my great grandmother who gave birth to 13 children, and my aunts, and my friends who have been pregnant. This isn’t “pro-life” versus prochoice. It’s fucking cis men who think pregnancy is a god-damn walk in the park and (in his misogynist mind) women should just shut the fuck up. 

Some people choose to be pregnant, and hey, that’s their right. It’s valid and wonderful. Full stop. But no one wants to develop gestational diabetes or preeclampsia or hemorrhage to death. No one is “asking” for that by virtue of getting pregnant. There is nothing in Joe-the-misogynist’s statement for anyone to agree with. Especially if you have the nerve to call yourself “prolife.” You don’t get to force people to give birth and denigrate them for enduring what might be the most painful thing they’ve ever experienced. I don’t care if you’re prochoice or “pro-life.” You have no right to look a pregnant person in the face and tell them that they should just shut up about the fact that pregnancy is hard fucking work. Nor do you have any right to look me in the face and claim I shouldn’t want to not be pregnant because it’s just an “inconvenience” and it’s no big deal.

Check yourself, right over a cliff.

Do you even realize how misogynistic your fucking comments are getting? And now there’s too many for me to even bother addressing you individually. I don’t have the spoons for you, honestly. And I’m not sure you’re even fucking worth it at this point. You’re slut shaming and victim blaming and being sexist as all get out and I don’t think you even get it at all.

The point is that pregnancy is inherently risky. Not every pregnancy has complications but every pregnancy is potentially life-threatening. When something can kill you it’s not a mere “inconvenience.” That’s it. That’s the point.

The fact that some of you have so little sympathy for what pregnant people put themselves through for wanted pregnancies or how torturous an unwanted pregnancy can be, is fucking despicable. 

Assholes, come get your people.